I've been home from Africa for almost two weeks now and I can't believe it's already been that long. Not a day goes by that I don't think about their sweet faces, the hands I held, the people I led to Jesus, the testimonies I heard, the mud I walked through and the tears I both saw and shed for that precious continent. God is there and He is spreading like wildfire. It's really hard getting used to the fact that I'm getting used to the fact I'm no longer there. The first couple days back home were spent waking up at three in the morning with jet lag, looking through all of my pictures constantly, listening to Rescue the Perishing on repeat and finishing up my malaria pills. I really miss those days when I first got home because I kinda felt like I was still there in a way. I was still on their time, I was still taking my pills and I still talked to everyone who went on the trip with me at 3 in the morning via Skype. The fact that I'm getting comfortable in the states again makes my skin crawl. I can't believe I have to wait another year to go back. At least I have the memories and faces in my heart to keep me going.
Before I left for Africa I was in love with love. I wasn't the type of girl to date a lot because I am very picky. But every guy I did tend to date obviously didn't work out for me. So I would obsess over what went wrong, what was wrong with me, why no one wanted to date me, when I would find "mr. Right," etc.... I didn't realize until now but the idea of dating absolutely controlled my life and thoughts. It held me captive for a very long time and I didn't even notice until I returned to the states. God did a lot of really good things in me in Africa. I saw with His eyes and my heart broke for the things that break His. I experienced a joy and happiness that I have never known before, a Heavenly joy. Now that I am home and reminiscing on the things God showed me during my trip, I realize that I no longer have that hint of emptiness in my heart. There's no longer a void or the fear that something is missing. I finally feel whole and complete in myself and in Jesus. I now understand that I was in love with love and because of that Satan had room to mess me up. He created a void in my heart that I thought could only be filled with a dating relationship instead of Jesus. Because of Africa that void was filled. When Jesus is all you have, He becomes all you NEED. Those babies and the people of Uganda filled me with hope and joy, like never before. They filled the void in a sense... I am fulfilled. I have Jesus and I have true joy. What else do I need? I am happily single and that is something I thought could only be miserable. God is my redeemer. I trust in Him forever. I might of had to go halfway across the world to find myself and become WHOLE, but I can proudly say that I did find myself and I am whole.
I have always had a heart for missions and now that I have experienced it first hand I feel that calling greater than ever. I am praying for God to open doors that He wants to open and close doors that need to be closed. I am open for anything and giving Him a lot of room to work. I would be the happiest girl in the world if He made it possible for me to go back to Africa for more than just a couple summers. Please be praying that I will be able to hear His voice and direction for my life. Not my will but His be done. I want my life to be an offering and a sacrifice to my King. I want to spend it serving the least of these, serving Jesus. I feel that if Jesus were here, He would be walking the slums I just spent two weeks walking in. I want to be His hands and feet wherever He leads me. I would love for that place to be Uganda, Africa. He knows the plans He has for me. All I can do now is pray, seek and trust that He holds my life in His hands.
With love,
Taylor
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