Unworthy.

I feel like a dirty rag. I can't even sleep because I feel so unworthy. Why does God love me? I screw up more than I should. I say things, I think things, I listen to things, I do things that aren't pleasing to Him on a daily basis and He still loves me. I almost get mad at Him for loving me so much. Is this crazy? I know He sent His son to die on a cross for all the sins I'll ever commit in my lifetime but I just don't understand how someone could be so forgiving and gentle. I guess it's because Jesus isn't a "someone." He's the Son of God. He puts me in my place when I get out of hand. He convicts me when I ignore His voice. He calls me out when I give Satan room to think in my thoughts. He picks me up when I fall flat on my face. He wipes away my tears when I secretely cry at night. He tucks me in when I feel alone. He takes my hand when I feel lost. He makes me laugh when things get stressful. He holds my heart when someone/thing breaks it. He gives me strength when I am weak. He gives me hope when I have none. He shows  me His love when even I don't understand why. He wipes my slate clean when I'm doubtful. He makes me white as snow when I am feeling like a dirty rag. I guess that's why He loves me. Simply because He just loves me. And I don't need to look too far into it. God's love is unexplainable, uncomprehendable, unimaginable and all of the above. Accept the fact that Jesus Christ is crazy about you and go to bed. Okay goodnight.

Prayer Is Powerful.

Prayer is a powerful thing,
it takes our hand so we can sing
praises to the One above,
miracles rain down on us.
I hear the children call my name,
fatherless, abandoned all the same.
I'm here to show them my Father's love,
let them know it's up to us
to take the time, kneel down and pray,
ask Him in our hearts to stay.
Jesus holds my heart in His hands,
His presence makes it hard to stand.
My love for Him is an overflowing stream,
in my soul He's placed a dream.

Something worth waiting for.

Tonight my pastor spoke about the wise and the foolish. He spoke on how the wise were patient and prepared as they waited for their Bridgroom to return to His Bride. As I meditated on the sermon, God spoke something significant to my heart. He simply said, "Taylor, I don't put you through seasons of waiting because I don't know what else to do with you. I have something so magnificent at the end of each specific season for you. Stay faithful to me and I will always be faithful to you. I wouldn't give you seasons of waiting if there wasn't something worth waiting for at the end of the tunnel." Wow! That is so beautiful and assuring. I get so impatient with God sometimes. Especially in the area of relationships. But lately, He has given me such peace about everything, including finding a "boyfriend." I know that when the time is ripe and I am ready, He will send me the right guy. I need to stop searching and start seeking my Lover more and more each day. He is more than enough.

Sneak Peak.

"I grew up in church. My family has always gone to church. I got saved and baptized at a very young age, the age of six. I always knew who God was and what He did for me by sending His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins but I never had a real relationship with Him growing up. My parents prayed for me every night and I loved Jesus deep down in my heart but it wasn't until two years ago that I truly surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. My sophomore year of high school I got into a terrible car accident. I am alive today ONLY by the Lord's grace, angels and divine purpose for my life. 'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 took it's place in my life that day. God has a purpose for each and every one of you. I truly believe that. If I hadn't of survived that car accident two years ago, I wouldn't be able to be here in Africa with you and I am so glad that God saw you in my future even before I did. "He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. In this life, we will face many trials, disasters, famine, death, tragedies and much more. But we must always remember that God can and will bring good out of every single situation we might face. He is an all-sufficent God. We must praise Him in the storms just as much as we praise Him when the sun is shining bright, if not more. He is worthy and good ALL the time, not just when things are going our way. It's in the dark times we must cling to Him and never lose our hope that we have in Jesus. He has GREAT things in store for all of us, all of you. He truly cares about each of you and holds your heart in His precious hands. If we do all we CAN do, God will ALWAYS do what we cannot. Trust in Him and give Him your EVERYTHING! He will always be faithful."

In Africa, we have to be ready to share the gospel at any given time in 2-3 minutes. This terrifies me so I jotted down a bit of my testimony to share with the people. Thought I would type it out. Enjoy! :)

Long overdue.

Hello people! Wow! It has been way too long since I've written on this thing, I apologize for that. My life has been CRAZY lately. Good crazy though, for sure. I don't even know where to start so this will probably be a gigantic, jumbled piece of writing. But hey, fits me perfectly so let's flow widdit. If you read these things and pick out all the bad grammar, stop reading now. Imma do me, and you just keep doin' you! :)

ANYWAYS,
God is SO stinkin' good! His blessings, love, presence, strength, everything about Him have been so relevant in my life these past couple months. I can't do anything but smile when I talk about Him! Before going off on a giant tangent, let's talk about graduation. Graduation was everything I thought it would be. I didn't cry because I'm just READY to be in college, but it was really sentimental spending time with some of my best friends and classmates for the last time. I mean, we exchange all of our "This isn't goodbye, just a see ya later!" Or "We'll hang out we're home for the holidays..." Or "This won't be the last time we'll see each other, I promise!" We say all of these things, but let's face the reality, Thursday night was the last time I will ever talk to a lot of those people. And that is what made my heart a little sad. I have such a big heart and it gets the best of me sometimes. God gave me a heart that breaks for what breaks His. I truly care about every single person I made a relationship with in high school. I tried my best to be the best "Jesus w/skin on" that I possibly could be these past few years. I hope Jesus is proud of me. As I walked across that stage Thursday night, after dropping my diploma in front of thousands, not only did I laugh really hard but I stood on the fact that I never conformed to "high school." Not once did I take a sip of alcohol or a puff of something illegal. I found myself in Jesus Christ and I stuck with it. I didn't sway like others did, I kept my eyes on the prize and pressed on. And I am proud of myself for doing that. It was MUCH harder than conforming and going to the usual party on friday nights with all my friends. Sure, I slipped a few choice words in my cheerleading career, but other than that I am clean, and I am proud. Only by God's grace could I ever do it. So all glory goes to Him! Saying goodbye to high school was bittersweet, but mostly sweet. I am so excited to see what God has in store for my future. He has been laying so much on my heart this past year. I am ready to have a group of friends that build me up and make me a stronger lover of Jesus. I've never had that. Sure, I have my strong, core friends but never have I had a large group of people who share the same love for Jesus that I do. I know that God is going to bring some awesome people into my life and I am so ready to meet them. They were handpicked by Him. How awesome is that! I don't even know their names yet! :)

Speaking about college brings me to my next topic: Joplin, MO. How, you ask? Well through divine appointments with certain people in my life, Emergency Management has caught my attention as a career choice. Emergency Management is the more professional title for "disaster relief." And as you all know it seems everywhere we look these days, literally, there is a disaster that has occured or is occuring. The tornadoes are especially what broke my heart and it was God's way of guiding me to this major. So I listened and obeyed and declared Emergency Management as my major last Monday. So excited about that! With that being said, yesterday, me and two good guy friends of mine took a trip to Joplin. I knew it was bad up there, but honestly until you actually see it with you own eyes, you can't fathom the damage. Pictures don't do this place any justice. As soon as we entered into the desturuction my heart was absolutely devestated. Tears swelled up in my eyes as I met and listened to stories of these people WHILE we were standing on what was left of their houses. Talk about humbling. We helped at two different houses, one still had a structure maintained, the other completely gone. You could see for miles because absolutely everything had been completely flattened by the tornado. The only way to describe it is that it looked like the end of the world had taken place. Everything was destroyed. It all became real with the stories I heard. As we arrived at the second destroyed house, we stood on top of it looking at the house beside us, as three cadever dogs looked for a dead body. The house that used to stand in front of that one belonged to a man, his wife and daughter. The man is now a widow. I could tell countless stories like this that flooded my ears yesterday but I'll save you the heartache. Please continue to pray for these people. It is going to be years before things even BEGIN to be normal again. Go, share Jesus, listen to stories and help clean up. It's like a never-ending cycle.

On a lighter, more happy note I leave for Africa on June 15th! I remember counting down from six months and now I'm just weeks away. So surreal. My dream of three years is coming true. Today, we officially got the okay to spend a day at Amani Baby Cottage in Jinja. I am very excited about that. I've wanted to do that for a long time now! So keep me in your prayers!

I'll try not to wait so long before the next post! :)

God bless you guys!

Patience; 

If patience makes the heart grow fonder,
why am I wanting to wait no longer?
I've waited for days, months and years,
for you to come and meet me here.
I pray for you more than you'll ever know,
writing you letters that bring me hope.
The day you walk yourself into my life,
will be the day my face turns bright.
Purity is held so sacred to me,
in love with you I can't wait to be.
Writing this poem, I can't help but smile,
wondering and waiting all the while.

Wrote this in about 5 minutes.
Just been thinking about my
future husband a lot lately..... :)

I get it.

This weekend I had to work a fairly large volleball tournament that FS puts on to get some much needed NHS hours. My job was to simply clean the courts, pick up all the trash and straighten the chairs when a game ended. I had the last shift so my job was doubled. I ended up cleaning about nine courts full of bottles, wrappers and things you don't even want to know about. I'm not complaining, this is just getting me to my point of this post.

I picked up hundreds of water bottles on Sunday night. Hundreds. More than half of those bottles were either hardly drinken out of or hadn't even been opened. This a.) pissed me off and b.) broke my heart. The only thing running through my mind were all of the orphans and impoverished people living in third world countries that would do ANYTHING for even a drop of this water that we so freely waste. I made a comment to the guy I was working with about how upset this made me and all he could do was give me a half-hearted smile. He didn't get it. This is when I realized that people don't get it. This concept that was invading my thoughts didn't even cross anyone elses. At this moment God reassured me that I am called. Why? Because I get it when no one else does. I'm thankful that I'm one of the chosen ones who actually get God's heart. This is why I will be His hands and His feet forevermore.