A Semester Full of Surprises

I haven't blogged in so long, I'm not sure how this will go but it's time to sit down and talk about my life. If not for people to read, for me to thank God for the goodness He has poured out on me this semester. Going into college, I wasn't so sure how I would adjust. Especially after just returning to the states from the place that stole my heart forever, Africa. I spent many nights asking God the same question, "Why can't I just skip the whole college experience and start loving on people overseas?" I was so lovesick with Africa that I doubted God could have anything better for me at Arkansas Tech University. If I have learned anything valuable this semester, it is to never doubt God, always trust Him. His ways are much higher than our own and although we can try our hardest to plan our steps, He is the only One who can direct them. 

Moving to Russellville and attending Arkansas Tech University has been nothing but a blessing for so many reasons. 

First:  I am involved in what I am convinced is the best Bible study ever created. Thursdays are my favorite for the sole purpose of gathering in an apartment living room with a group of girls who are so passionate about their walk with the Lord and want nothing more than to whole-heatedly seek Him in every aspect of their lives. This semester we studied James. Every week we dug into the Word of God and prayed for Him to open our hearts for the Truth that He would reveal in our hour together (plus thirty minutes because we always went over). It was a blessing getting to know each and every one of these girls and hearing their hearts on a weekly basis. It's so comforting, especially as a Freshman in college, to know that you have a group of Godly women behind you, never failing to kneel in prayer when you need it. I thank Jesus for my Bible study.

Second:  I love my roommate. She is such a God-fearing ray of sunshine. She is the nicest girl in the world, and I secretly giggled when she opened the door saying, "I did something mean today." She lives to share Christ with people. So much so, she woke up at 3am to share the hope of Jesus with someone in our lobby. I adore her. She is a prime example of what the Bible says in Proverbs 31:25 and I am so blessed to have her in my life. We room so well together which is wonderful, especially since we didn't know each other before college. God was so good to us for that. I am thankful that we can pray together and she will listen to me when I just wanna talk. I will forever miss walking to CSP with our string cheese together. I can't wait to enjoy another semester staying up until 2 talking about the exciting things God has in store for our future. 

Third:  Before coming to college, I was single and I planned to stay that way. I know God is laughing at me as I write this because out of all people, I should know better than to "plan" any part of my life, especially in the area of romantic relationships. I gave Him the pen to that a long time ago. Once I got to college, I did what every freshman girl does and scoped out the good-looking guys. Of course there were a number of them but I have to say that Ethan Gammill was at the top of my list. Every time I saw him around campus, in Brown or walking in the cafe, I couldn't help but nudge my best friend on the arm and look his direction. It may sound creepy but I know that all of you girls do it, too. Ethan has been a huge blessing to me. He is everything and more I've ever asked God for in a boyfriend. We have so much fun together and he loves the Lord with his whole heart. He makes me super happy and he has impacted my life greatly already. I can't wait for more semesters with him :)

Fourth: As many of you know, Africa is so very dear to me. Through a lot of cool "God moments" I have filled out an application to volunteer at Amani Baby Cottage in Jinja, Uganda this summer for a month. If God wants it to happen, He will let it and I will know it is where He wants me this summer. But if not, I will know He has something in store for me and that is fine, too. 

Fifth: I have met and made so many wonderful friends. From girls on my floor to girls who share the same passion as me, God has blessed me greatly. I can't wait to strengthen the relationships I've already made next semester and make more. I remember my youth pastor's wife and I had coffee right before I left for college and she gave me a very special necklace. A starfish. If you don't know the story, there was a man walking along the seashore and saw hundreds of starfish that had been washed up. Frantically, he started chunking as many as he could back into the ocean so they would not die. He said, "If I can just get one. If I can just give life back to one of these starfish, I will be happy." And he did just that. Monica gave me the necklace and told me that she had such a peace about me going to Arkansas Tech. That I would be the "man that found the starfish." And I would try with all my might to throw just one back into the ocean so that it could find life again. With God's help, this story came true shortly after being at Arkansas Tech. I am so thankful and humbled that I could help one starfish find life. I will keep searching for the struggling starfish. 

There are many more things that I have experienced this semester that will forever impact my life, but I will save them for another blog post. I am so thrilled with what God is doing in my life and showing me. He is so good and He goes before all that I will ever do. Never doubt His greatness. 

Be blessed,

Taylor.

God IS love.

I opened my devotional book to a random page tonight and it just so happened to be titled "Bankrupt Without Love." It was based off of 1 Corinthians 13:3-7. I looked at it and thought, "Oh, I have this memorized. There's no need to read it tonight." WHAM! That is the sound effect that occurred when Jesus came down from Heaven Himself and slapped me right in the head. When I think of 1 Corinthians 13:3-7 I think of the typical wedding. People who aren't even followers of Jesus have this scripture recited at their wedding. That's just it... "recited." This verse is probably used at more weddings than church services. Ouch... that hurts and that is exactly what God revealed to me tonight as I read through these precious lines that represent the Father I so dearly love. Before tonight, I could quote 1 Corinthians 13:3-7 and I would picture Mandy Moore in A Walk to Remember. Now, I read this scripture with a broken heart. My Father's heart. 1 John 4:8 says, that "whoever does not love does not know God, because God IS love." Hello, we hear it all the time but do you truly grasp the meaning and realness of the fact that God IS love. We can't know God if we do not know LOVE. God paints the perfect picture of what love should look like and this world has covered it with as much "junk" as possible. Love is supposed to be light, not darkness. It is supposed to be patient, not rushed. It is supposed to fragile, not thrown around like a basketball. We should CHERISH the love of the Father. Why? Because He IS love. Everytime I read 1 Corinthians 13:3-7, I will no longer picture a bride and groom, or Mandy Moore, but I will picture my Savior, Jesus Christ, hanging on the cross and DYING for me. That is love, my friends. A love that we cannot even grasp. A love that has been jaded and mistreated. But I long to know that love, to truly know it. And to share it with everyone I meet, whether it be here, there, or across the world. I want to bring the love of Jesus. A selfless and beautiful love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

1 Corinthians 13:3-7

Time makes the heart grow fonder.

Hey bloggers!

I finally got my nose pierced today and I absolutely adore it. 

Those that know me, know that I have talked about getting my nose pierced for a good year now. I finally got the guts and mommy even went with me since I'm not 18 yet. I psyched myself out last night by watching YouTube video's. Mistake. But it really wasn't that bad after all. My eyes watered a good amount but pain wise, it felt like my malaria shot. Piece of cake with a little sting. I am so happy I got it! I finally feel like my true self. A little spunky! :)

On a more serious note, Monday was a month since I've been home from Africa. Though I spent it getting my nose pierced, I also talked with my dear friend Hannah for a good hour when we got home. Telling her all the countless stories about my trip over some yummy brownies and a cold glass of milk. It was really refreshing because I hadn't talked about them in a while and she actually listened and really cared about the things I experienced. With each story I told, another filtered in my mind and the tears just kept shedding. My heart smiled when I would look up and see Hannah fighting back her own tears as well. It's so awesome when you find those special people that will listen to you go on and on about how God changed your life in a third world country. Not everyone listens. I am very blessed and thankful for those that do.

I can't believe there are only 25 days left until I move to Russellville. I am so excited to finally live with my precious roomie, Claire, but I am also really nervous. Going from my comfortable home life and moving to a big college campus can be a little intimidating but with God on my side, what can stand against me? I am so thankful for the friendships that I've already made with people at Arkansas Tech, good, solid friendships. I'm also really relieved and excited that my best friend Rachel and I are continuing this awesome friendship by going to the same college. It will make it feel a little more like home, I think. I really feel like God has some awesome doors and opportunities already lined up for me within the next couple years. I am excited and expectant for what He is going to show me, teach me, tell me and reveal to me in my near future. I love to think that God has my future perfectly orchestrated and I am just following in His footsteps. He has divine appointments already lined up for me at Tech. New people I will meet, professors I will have, campus ministries I will be apart of, a new home church, and much much more. I am so ready to start this new chapter of my life. It is definitely time. :)

"Set-apart femininity, contrary to what you might be thinking, is not stodgy and grim-faced with drab, shapeless clothes, librarian glasses, and a twenty-pound Bible under one arm. It's not hiding from society or shunning the opposite sex. Set-apart is the sparkling, vibrant, world-altering, Christ-like version of femininity that you King created you to exude." -Leslie Ludy


As I came across this quote, I couldn't help but lead my eyes straight to Proverbs 4. Proverbs 4 paints a beautiful picture of wisdom. Not only that, but it paints a beautiful picture of how I want my relationship with my husband or significant other to someday be:


“Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you, she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.” Proverbs 4:5-9


I love how God relates wisdom to a woman in this passage. He puts across how beautiful and precious "she is." The first time I read and studied this I couldn't help but find a double meaning. I will not settle for less of a man than I deserve. I believe God has someone so special out there for me and we will cherish these scriptures together someday. I am looking for a man who will "prize me highly and embrace me." One who will never forsake me but will love me. When I find this man I will be sure to keep him, guard him, exalt him, honor him and treat him like the man of God he will be. It's so hard to lead a life of purity in our generation but I have learned and continue to learn that it is more than worth it. I have kept my purity so sacred. Though at times I was ashamed and embarrassed of it, today it is my most prized possession. I am so thankful I let God and God alone have the key to my heart. Of course Satan tries to attack me with my purity everyday, but I refuse to be shaken. I have made it this far, I will make it until I meet my future husband. I hope he appreciates the fact that I have kept my sanctuary for him pure and whole, that I have loved him ALL the days of my life. If he is my husband, I know he will. Guys, I encourage you to love on your girl. Make her feel cherished and prized. Lead her closer to the Lord and protect her purity until marriage. Encourage her in her faith as well as in everyday struggles. Treat her like a princess and she will treat you like the prince that you are.... if  you find the right girl :) 


"Find a woman who cares about nothing but loving, searching, honoring and glorifying Jesus Christ, and you will see who truly is 'the fairest of them all.'" 

Every fear has no place at the sound of Your great Name.

I've been home from Africa for almost two weeks now and I can't believe it's already been that long. Not a day goes by that I don't think about their sweet faces, the hands I held, the people I led to Jesus, the testimonies I heard, the mud I walked through and the tears I both saw and shed for that precious continent. God is there and He is spreading like wildfire. It's really hard getting used to the fact that I'm getting used to the fact I'm no longer there. The first couple days back home were spent waking up at three in the morning with jet lag, looking through all of my pictures constantly, listening to Rescue the Perishing on repeat and finishing up my malaria pills. I really miss those days when I first got home because I kinda felt like I was still there in a way. I was still on their time, I was still taking my pills and I still talked to everyone who went on the trip with me at 3 in the morning via Skype. The fact that I'm getting comfortable in the states again makes my skin crawl. I can't believe I have to wait another year to go back. At least I have the memories and faces in my heart to keep me going.

Before I left for Africa I was in love with love. I wasn't the type of girl to date a lot because I am very picky. But every guy I did tend to date obviously didn't work out for me. So I would obsess over what went wrong, what was wrong with me, why no one wanted to date me, when I would find "mr. Right," etc.... I didn't realize until now but the idea of dating absolutely controlled my life and thoughts. It held me captive for a very long time and I didn't even notice until I returned to the states. God did a lot of really good things in me in Africa. I saw with His eyes and my heart broke for the things that break His. I experienced a joy and happiness that I have never known before, a Heavenly joy. Now that I am home and reminiscing on the things God showed me during my trip, I realize that I no longer have that hint of emptiness in my heart. There's no longer a void or the fear that something is missing. I finally feel whole and complete in myself and in Jesus. I now understand that I was in love with love and because of that Satan had room to mess me up. He created a void in my heart that I thought could only be filled with a dating relationship instead of Jesus. Because of Africa that void was filled. When Jesus is all you have, He becomes all you NEED. Those babies and the people of Uganda filled me with hope and joy, like never before. They filled the void in a sense... I am fulfilled. I have Jesus and I have true joy. What else do I need? I am happily single and that is something I thought could only be miserable. God is my redeemer. I trust in Him forever. I might of had to go halfway across the world to find myself and become WHOLE, but I can proudly say that I did find myself and I am whole.

I have always had a heart for missions and now that I have experienced it first hand I feel that calling greater than ever. I am praying for God to open doors that He wants to open and close doors that need to be closed. I am open for anything and giving Him a lot of room to work. I would be the happiest girl in the world if He made it possible for me to go back to Africa for more than just a couple summers. Please be praying that I will be able to hear His voice and direction for my life.  Not my will but His be done. I want my life to be an offering and a sacrifice to my King. I want to spend it serving the least of these, serving Jesus. I feel that if Jesus were here, He would be walking the slums I just spent two weeks walking in. I want to be His hands and feet wherever He leads me. I would love for that place to be Uganda, Africa. He knows the plans He has for me. All I can do now is pray, seek and trust that He holds my life in His hands.

With love,
Taylor

I finally found where I belong.

Some of the testimonies we witnessed during our stay:
"We worked primarily in two slums in the city: Sabina and Kimombasa. It is impossible to describe the poverty in these slums. You have to be there. Many pictures will end up on facebook, but none of them tell the real story. Like Myles Teems said, pictures don't come in scratch and sniff. The sights, smells, feels, and sounds of these places are unforgettable. Thousands of people live in these slums, and there are twenty-three similar slums in Kampala. IMFC has worked in eight.

I met a woman named Teresa who was blind and going deaf. She sat on the floor of a tiny hut by herself. Every time it rains the house floods up to her chest and she has nowhere else to go. International Missionaries For Christ's Manna program gives her a bag of food every month, but people will walk into her home and take food from her because she can do nothing about it. Both of her children are dead, and she is left with ten grandchildren who cram into the hut to sleep every night. She is four months behind on her rent and her landlord comes often to threaten her. Her main concern was that she wanted to be able to pay school fees so that her grandchildren could go to school. For herself she only wanted a blanket so she could be warmer when it flooded.

I also saw a church planted in a bar. It's called telefono. Though I don't know if that is how it is spelled. Men sit in this bar and drink through long straws from a pot that sits in the middle of the floor. Telefono is like a religion. Groups of drunks meet without fail at the same time every day and pitch in together to buy their drink. They have a close-knit bond of trust within their group. They are truly slaves to their drunkenness. But God is mighty to save from any kind of bondage. We walked by the bar for the first time last Sunday as we were leaving a house church service, and were mocked but also invited in. We shared the gospel that first night, seeing no conversion, but we left Deo's phone number. During the middle of the night Deo started receiving calls from the men saying that God would not let them sleep, that He was convicting them of their sin. They begged for us to come back and share with them, that they might be saved. Jimmy returned Monday and saw several of the men converted, one of them named Ambassador. Our group met at the bar for the next several nights. Ambassador brought many people to hear the gospel and many were saved. God planted a house church among former drunks in a bar in a slum in Kampala, Uganda.

God also planted a church in the house of a former witch doctor. I saw many Muslims come to be born again. Three Muslim women changed their names when they were born again. We were told they were signing their own death sentence by doing so.

I witnessed what happens when the Holy Spirit moves among people. People are desperate to hear the gospel of Christ. Believers are desperate for the Word of God. God will draw His people to Himself."

I led a girl named Carolyn to the Lord. She was eightteen and attended hair school. After praying the prayer of salvation with her I asked what she needed me to pray for her about. Anything she was going through or needed strength for, provision. Her response was this, "That I get everything I like in life." Confused, I asked her to explain. She wanted God to bless her hair business when she gets out of school so that she can support herself and be strong. And she wanted the wisdom to find a Godly husband. A man that would treat her like she should be treated and a man that would love Jesus with her in such hard surroundings. This just tore me up. I guess because we were the same age. I jokingly talk about marriage and how excited I am to find that "perfect guy" and here that is one of Carolyn's only requests of prayer. That she would find a Godly man and be taken care of. It breaks my heart that I may never see her again. I will pray for her everytime I think of her. I pray that God blesses her. I want her to be protected and not harmed. I want her to find a man that will treat her like the precious girl that she is. I love Carolyn.

One day, we were witnessing to a couple women. Two granddaughters of this grandmother who was sitting in the doorway of thier hut. She was holding one of her grandchildren and folding sheets. She was elder which is very rare in Uganda and she had been struck with multiple sicknesses to where she couldn't walk, hardly get up from the dirt. She asked us to pray healing over her body and so we knelt down to pray with her. As we were kneeling she stopped us and started talking to our translator. We couldn't understand so we asked our translator what she was saying. He told us to stand up for a minute. It was at that time I saw the grandmother having to practically lay down to get a fresh, white sheet. She placed it under our knees so they wouldn't touch the dirt. Seriously? These people have nothing, yet they offer everything. Their finest possessions. Breaks my heart. America, you are selfish and have everything so backwards.

Another day, we shared with a woman named Joyce during manna ministry. She had 5 kids, one who appeared very sick. Her husband was killed 3 years ago on the battlefield. After sharing the gospel with her, we thanked her for her time. Then she said, "Who am I that you are thanking? Who am I that you came all the way from America to see? You are not used to these living conditions at all. You sacrificed your life just to come and see me. Who am I? I should be thanking YOU." broken heart once more.

I could go on with stories forever but these were a few that just changed me and touched my heart forever. I left my heart in Africa. I am so homesick. I can't stand being back home. Everything seems so insignificant and ignorant. America has everything so wrong and you won't get it unless you see what my eyes have just seen. We are so selfish, wasteful, rude, unthankful.... but the funny thing, is that Americans are probably even more HUNGRY than Africans. The problem with us is that we have so many "fillers" that replace God that it's easy to ignore Him and "shoo off" the gospel. It's so easy. When things seem to go wrong in our lives we tend to say, "God, why would you do this to me? Where are you, God?" In Africa, they choose to say, "Oh God, please help me get through this. You're my hope and my strength. All I have is You."

Africa changed my life. I've never felt more joy and happiness than I did over there. In my heart, I've always had something missing. Satan allowed voids to come up and make me feel empty. Jesus wasn't enough. There, my heart was completely full. I had no more longings for anything else. All I needed was Jesus and this joy that I had found. God is doing a lot of things within me and I know that I am going to end up back in Africa for more than the next couple summers. Everything is just right there, I just fit. I always talk about how I can't wait to find the perfect guy and before I left I had such a void, an emptiness that I wanted to be filled by a dating relationship. In Africa, that void was demolished and filled by those precious children and people. When I'm there a "significant other" is the last thing I could care about. I was so perfectly content with my life. And I just miss it more than anything. Africa changed me. I am so ready to get back and see God move even more. "I have a new glowingness about me and it is so Heavenly. What used to be earthly joy, is now Heavenly joy. Everything I do has more meaning and purpose. Even my worship has changed dramatically.

Unworthy.

I feel like a dirty rag. I can't even sleep because I feel so unworthy. Why does God love me? I screw up more than I should. I say things, I think things, I listen to things, I do things that aren't pleasing to Him on a daily basis and He still loves me. I almost get mad at Him for loving me so much. Is this crazy? I know He sent His son to die on a cross for all the sins I'll ever commit in my lifetime but I just don't understand how someone could be so forgiving and gentle. I guess it's because Jesus isn't a "someone." He's the Son of God. He puts me in my place when I get out of hand. He convicts me when I ignore His voice. He calls me out when I give Satan room to think in my thoughts. He picks me up when I fall flat on my face. He wipes away my tears when I secretely cry at night. He tucks me in when I feel alone. He takes my hand when I feel lost. He makes me laugh when things get stressful. He holds my heart when someone/thing breaks it. He gives me strength when I am weak. He gives me hope when I have none. He shows  me His love when even I don't understand why. He wipes my slate clean when I'm doubtful. He makes me white as snow when I am feeling like a dirty rag. I guess that's why He loves me. Simply because He just loves me. And I don't need to look too far into it. God's love is unexplainable, uncomprehendable, unimaginable and all of the above. Accept the fact that Jesus Christ is crazy about you and go to bed. Okay goodnight.